Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Memo to self: Just be kind. Always be kind.

It seems to me that relationships are a balancing act. I'm not particularly good at them (as evidenced by my single status) but I'm learning. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, I'm talking about all of the people that we have some kind of connection with. Recently I have been taking notice of how the way that I am feeling effects how I feel about I think other people feel about me.

I don't know about you, but I always assume that I feel the same all the time, it's just that sometimes your day is filled with stupid people. No? just me then! ok, well I have mentioned before I'm a slow learner haha. Anyhow, I have started taking not of the fact that sometimes I feel a bit blah, you know flat, uninspired or whatever, and then when I meet people I assume that they hate me and I've done something wrong. Is this just me?? I'm pretty sure it's not.

So, news flash! it's just me having a bad day. It's not all the people I work with, live with or are friends with who suddenly think I'm like a piece of gum on the bottom of their shoe, annoying, disappointing and something to try and hide away. It's just me feeling a bit blah and it's ok. We can't always be amazing.

And so I'm trying really hard to assume that people actually like me, that I'm an ok person and my opinion is valid. And maybe the other person is just having a bad day, feeling blah or uninspired, and maybe I'm coming across a bit perky and annoying and they are not feeling the vibe.

Memo to self: it is not all about me, on the whole as long as you are polite and kind and interested in them, you are ok. And just maybe, if the other person comes across that they don't want to interact with you, it is not automatically something you did wrong, but just that they are feeling blah in the space they are in. Just be kind. Always be kind.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Am I parenting or just looking after the kids?

The combination of being a part time parent and something I saw on Facebook has made me think about being a parent and what it really involves as opposed to simply looking after kids. I realise that I am a parent all of the time, even when Annie isn't with me (Reuben is with me all the time now) because being a parent is really completely different to simply looking after the kids. Now this is probably completely obvious to all the rest of you, but hey! I'm a slow learner.

So looking after kids is lovely. I like having kids around that I am looking after. Like my dear friend Stuart (who loves me, he's five), he comes to my house and eats food (that is slightly bad for him) has some screen time, plays with the toys and generally has a nice time. But I don't parent Stuart. I just love him and hang out with him.

Parenting is different. Parenting is about keeping all of the parts of your child's welfare in your head at the same time, whilst honouring what has happened to them in the past and dreaming of the best possible future for them. Parenting is not about the fun times, but how you handle all the in betweens.

Parenting is about making sure the every day mundane doesn't turn to drudgery. It is about keeping dreams alive whilst injecting a dose of reality. Parenting is an impossible task. I'm pretty sure noone can actually really do it justice.

But oh my goodness, I'm going to try my hardest with everything that is in me. I will be the boundary that they need, I will be the soft place to fall. I will laugh with them, not at them. I will respect their worries and I will encourage their dreams. I know that I fail over and over. But I will keep right on trying. I'm going to take the bits of my life and weave them together to make something that is strong and good that my children can take shelter in and feel safe.

This is what parenting is to me. This is what loving my kids is to me.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Finding balance

I find it ridiculously difficult to drag myself out of bed on Mondays,
this morning I slept through four alarms before
I dragged myself awake. 

Ugh. There is just not enough caffeine is there.

But actually I'm working on finding some kind of balance so that 
Monday feeling fades a bit.
It is not that satisfying to just limp from weekend to weekend,
I have to have some other creative goals as well.

I'm loving my job at the moment, 
it's great to be working in a team of people 
who are all working together in a creative way.

And I am really enjoying my #whatremains project.
Every spare moment I'm making something
or working on something. It's great.

Actually feels like I'm finally getting some kind of balance.
Now if I could just add some exercise to the mix....

I'd be sorted!

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Well this sucks {50/50 parenting. First night}

The kids have gone for the whole week, from today they are going to live half the time here
and half the time with their dad. They are sad and I am sad.
I feel pretty lost to be honest, am I still mum when I'm only a part time mum?
I've been trying to be positive about this but I'm feeling all the feelings tonight.

The house is still littered with all of their stuff,
but they are gone for the whole week.
I just can't get my head around it.

I have a bunch of good intentions about actually cooking proper food for myself.
Noodles and beans on toast probably don't constitute a complete diet.
It's just that I can't really see the point when it is just me here.

I know I'll get through this and it will be just another thing that we have
made peace with, but just for tonight, eeeek it's hard.

{insert tiny pity party here}

OK. That's that.
Let's do this thing.
Like a proper grownup. 

I don't have any alcohol,
but I do have ice cream.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

12 Things I learned while lying on the sofa....

I caught the cold that Annie has had for three weeks.
I've been dragging the child to work to lie on the sofa
and it's no wonder that the rest of us in the office caught it.
But finally the kids went to their dads;
and I actually couldn't drag myself out of bed and called into work sick.

Here's what I learned.....

1. Guess what? The world doesn't stop if you lie on the sofa for three days.
2. It doesn't matter how long it takes to do the chores, as long as they get done.
3. You can't be lonely if you have a dog curled up next to you.
 4. The cats however, will constantly nag for food.

5. It's ok to use the drier even if the sun is shining.
6. Toilet paper is the best thing ever for blowing your nose
(so soft. How come I never realised this before?)
7. Ice blocks are a food group.

8. Sitting at the sewing machine is therapeutic in short doses.
9. Pinterest really is inspiring.
10. A quilt and some rubbish tv actually does make you feel better.
11. The world doesn't end if you don't read your emails.
12. A good friend is one who comes and mows your lawns for you.

So there you have it.
Here's to a better week this week!

Monday, September 12, 2016

Searching for happiness.

Sometimes I feel like happiness is an elusive thing.
Something just around the next corner
or once the next hurdle is past.

But I'm starting to realise that happiness comes in all sorts of guises.
Happiness is trying something new.

Happiness is someone who listens when you say you love flowers
and buys you some.

Happiness is spring sunshine
and winter coats left hanging in the garage.

Happiness is wearing a pretty necklace on a difficult day.

Happiness is just there, it is about not worrying about what might be
and just enjoying what is, right now. 

Well that's what I think anyway.
I'm happy. How about you?

Wednesday, September 7, 2016


grey hair
comfy shoes
being afraid
doing it anyhow
finding my own style
working hard
loving life
letting the tears out
not hiding
being myself
being somebody.